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I Just Got Engaged! Now What?

Heather Pulier
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First off, celebrate!

This is a big moment. Enjoy it. Get excited. Have fun.

But beware of that engagement high.

There’s a euphoric emotional rush that comes from saying “yes” to each other, and it can quickly become addictive. Take note of how you’re feeling after you’ve called your friends and family to share the news. Did your heart rate slow? Did you notice a change in your mood? This natural dip can create anxiety and propel couples into making plans, overspending and running about trying to stay overly hyped about the wedding. But the thing is, marriage is slow and steady with bursts of joy. Pause and breathe. Wrap each other in the comfort and calm of just being and avoid the sugar rush of engagement frenzy. 

Take your time.

In the months ahead, consciously or unconsciously, couples tend to create patterns that could last a lifetime. Make sure to check in with your body. Ask yourself if you're feeling stressed. It's critical to stay authentic and practice radical honesty. With love and kindness, this is the time to open up more. Let your partner know what works for you, and what doesn't. The danger is that, too often, people begin taking on the psychosocial roles of "husband" and "wife" or "breadwinner" and "financially dependent" which can lead to toxic unconscious behaviors. Be mindful of how you’re interacting with one another, and take note of any changes to the dynamic between you now that you’re engaged. Practice listening versus talking, loving versus being loved, giving versus getting, and understanding versus being understood.  

Lean into the Business of your Marriage.

You're embarking on not only a lifelong love, but a new family business. Go on a money date and discuss the possibility of a partnership agreement. The more you plan and begin working as co-founders of your new family venture, the greater the odds for a life rich in love and money.